Letting Go of the Mother I Thought I’d Be

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything on here, but there’s been something on my mind a lot lately that I needed to get it out.

So here we go…

Both pre and post getting pregnant, I had a lot of big ideas about the type of mother I wanted to be. The type of mother that society expected me to be.

  • Breastfeeding – Duh.
  • Make my own baby food – 100% organic or bust.
  • Screen time – What’s that?
  • Yelling at my child – I would never!

Essentially, I was the perfect mom…and then my daughter was born.

After Haddie’s birth, I quickly realized that things don’t always go as planned. That babies are merely tiny humans with their own preferences and volition. This small little 7 lb. 2 oz. creature could break me with the slightest whimper.

As I felt my expectations bending and breaking, I began to feel a since of panic. I was losing the parenting battle and was on the fast track to becoming the worst bad-word imaginable: a bad mom.

Main stream media, fellow mothers, and the general public have a lot of opinions on what type of mother we all should be. The checklist at the top of this post is only a fragment of the pressures that are put on us. When we let the ball drop, even just once, we are letting down a legion of know-it-alls that have somehow become the experts in all things parenting.

The pressure to act perfect, and to be perfect, can seem suffocating and makes us feel like failures. If we could only learn to support one another and cut each other, and ourselves, some slack, maybe we’d actually have a shot at raising decent children that know how to function in their day to day lives.

Unfortunately, there are days when I feel like I’m screwing everything up.

Days when my child has watched more episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse than I care to admit.

Days when she decides that listening to me is useless and that she’d rather scream like a banshee and blow through stores like a small tornado.

While I tried desperately to boil veggies and puree them into baby food gold, my little darling decided that she much preferred the taste of the pre-packaged creations found in your local grocery store.

There’s no answer to any of this. I can’t tell you why certain things work and why they don’t, but at the end of the day, here’s what I’ve learned. It is what it is.

So what if I’ve decided to take a half hour break and let my energetic little girl watch a show so I can catch my breath.

So what if I lost my temper one time last week and raised my voice rather than maintaining the zen-like calm of a monk.

While I’m thrilled that I was able to breastfeed for around 16 months, I still stick to the mantra “Fed is Best.”

What works for me, may not work for you. Learning ourselves and learning our own children is the only way to become a successful parent.

On the days when I find myself sobbing and telling my husband that I feel like the worst mother in the world, he reminds me to look at our daughter.

My happy, playful, funny little girl.

She has no idea that I’ve “messed something up.” She is laughing and smiling all day long. She is learning at a speed that makes my head spin. She has the sweetest nature and adores having the chance to take care of the things and people around her.

I hear her use words like “Please” and “Thank you.” I feel the love exuding from her little body as she wraps her arms around me tight.

No matter how I think I’ve failed, when I look at Hadley, I know I’m doing something right.

I may not be the mother I thought I’d be, and I’m certainly not perfect, but I’m learning to let go of those naive expectations.

I’m an over-protective, work-in-progress, that wants to eliminate the judgment I feel for my own choices and the ones of other people.

Having a child that is loved and cared for is what matters. Whatever path we choose to get there as parents is what works.

So next time you’re feeling down on yourself, please just remember that I think you’re amazing. I don’t care if you co-sleep or use a crib, if you vaccinate or not, if you breast or bottle feed, or if you baby wear or push a stroller.

You are a mother and you are a rock star. End of story.

 

 

 

My New Project – The Wood Reserve!

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Several months ago, my husband and I decided that we were ready to take the first step towards starting our own business. This has been a goal of ours for years and we figured there was no time like the present to try and make it happen.

So what became the fruits of our labor? A lovely little online store called The Wood Reserve.

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Specializing in a unique variety of wood products, we’ve chosen to stock the store with items that you don’t usually think of when you think of wood. Things like:

  • Wood Bow Ties
  • Wood Watches
  • Wood Jewelry
  • Wood Sunglasses

And so much more!

This has been an exciting ride for us, and now that the site is officially live, it’s been so much fun seeing people check it out and fall in love with our products the same way we did.

So if you’re in the market for a unique Christmas gift or 5th anniversary present, be sure to check us out!

5 Ways I Tried to Improve My Chances of IVF Success

Improving Your Chances of IVF Success

At times (as in always,) I have a tendency to be a bit of a control freak. I’m not the type of person who can just sit back and let things happen, nor am I the type to just let other people “handle things.” I love to be involved. Scratch that, I HAVE to be involved.

Our IVF cycle was no different. Despite trusting our wonderful team of doctors, nurses, and embryologists to do what they do best, I felt like it was up to me to take things to the next level. We had put so much of ourselves into trying to get pregnant, I was determined to give us the best chance possible of a BFP.

While I am no doctor, and can certainly make no promises of positive pregnancy tests, I thought I’d share a few of the things I did prior to our first embryo transfer.

Gorged Myself on Avocado & Other “Good” Fats

I once read an article claiming that diets rich in monounsaturated fats often resulted in live birth rates over 3x higher than those without.

Monounsaturated fats…a fancy name for foods like the following:

  • Avocados
  • Nuts & Nut Butters
  • Olive Oil

Being that I have a rather intense fondness for avocado and guacamole, this one wasn’t too difficult. In the 1-2 months leading up to our embryo transfer, I aimed to eat at least one avocado a day. I also amped up my “fatty” diet with lots of olive oil based salad dressings, more nut butters than usual (I preferred peanut & almond), and I opted to snack on tons of nuts…walnuts are usually highly recommended.

Acupuncture

In my quest for “IVF Tools,” I kept coming across articles and forums that suggested the use of this acupuncture to increase your chances of successful implantation.

The idea behind acupuncture is that it not only helps the hopeful mommy-to-be relax, but it can also increase the blood flow to her reproductive organs.

I underwent treatments one to two times a week in the months leading up to our embryo transfer, including the night before and a few hours following.

Cayenne Pepper

There’s something you should know….I’m a wimp when it comes to spicy foods. I order my Thai food less than mild and am terrified of hidden jalapenos in my salsa. Before our transfer, however, I heard that the heat from cayenne pepper can actually help increase your system’s blood flow.

That was all I needed to hear. In the weeks before the transfer, I was sprinkling cayenne pepper on just about everything that touched my tongue.

  • Eggs – check
  • Pasta – check
  • Ice Cream – why not?

Ok, so maybe the whole ice cream thing is a little far-fetched, but the vast majority of our food included a delicate sampling of this spicy seasoning.

Warming Up the Old Uterus

On the quest for successful implantation, many of us IVF-ers have come across the concept of keeping your uterus happy and warm for incoming beans. They say that a warm uterus can help make things, how shall I put this – “stickier.”

You might be wondering, but how exactly does one “warm up” their uterus? I’m glad you asked. Here are a few of the things I did pre-transfer.

  • Kept My Feet Covered – ALWAYS
    • In the weeks leading up to our transfer, my bare feet were not to be seen. Closed-toe shoes, slippers, and thick, fuzzy socks were my best friends. They say your feet have a direct connection to your uterus, so keeping the chill away is a must.
  • Heating Pads
    • Lying around with a heating pad on your stomach is one of the best ways to warm up your uterus. Not only does it work perfectly, but it also feels cozy and relaxing.
  • Warm Food & Drinks
    • Avoiding cold food and beverages is another great way to keep things toasty. I chowed down on tons of soups and drank caffeine-free tea all the time. I even avoided cold water and opted for room-temperature bottles instead.

Pineapple (The Core, Specifically)

Pineapple, in my opinion, is nature’s gift to women undergoing IVF. Containing an enzyme known as bromelain, this tropical fruit has all the makings to help you achieve the sticky uterus you’ve been hoping for.

Here’s the important thing to remember, however. Most of the bromelain is found in the core of the pineapple, so when you’re cutting up your fruit, don’t leave this chunk out. Here’s how I used my pineapple.

  1. Cut up the pineapple into five slices, including the core.
  2. Starting the evening of the embryo transfer, consume one slice each day until you’ve eaten the whole thing.

In following suit with the warm foods rule, I chose to either grill my slices or warm them up in a skillet before eating.

Taking Control of Your IVF Cycle

I was blessed with a BFP after only one cycle of IVF. Whether these little tips and tricks had anything to do with it, I suppose I’ll never know for sure.

There’s one thing I do know, however.

When it comes time to try for baby #2, I will resort directly back to my life of good fats, pineapple cores, and fuzzy socks.

Have any of you tried any “old wives’ tales” to increase your chances of success?

 

 

Our Nation Lies in Darkness…When Will We Find the Light?

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I’m scared. I’m scared for myself, my loved ones, my community, and this nation in general.

This beautiful country of ours is meant to be a safe haven throughout the storm. We are supposed to be the ones that rise against negativity and oppression to offer our people, all of our people, the chance to hope and dream for the kind of life they yearn to believe in.

Unfortunately, however, the goal of freedom and equality seems to have fallen away and in its place, we have found a country being overcome by a state of perpetual darkness.

This blog post is not a statement on race, it is a statement of love and respect. Where did we go wrong in the world? Where did this upper-handed mindset step in to tell one person that they are better or more than someone else?

We are all united by a common goal for a better, more beautiful life, yet no one seems to be taking the steps to get us there. Instead, we are weighed down by the ignorance that obliterates our tv screens, computers, and social media outlets on a daily basis. There is no room for growth when we continuously take steps backward.

Until we realize that we are all one people of flesh and blood, no matter our beliefs, sexual preference, skin color, or financial status…I fear there is no hope.

Love one another. Seek kindness and respect in your day to day life. Uplift your neighbor with gratitude and a lending hand. It’s time for a change.

It’s time to stop pointing fingers and look within ourselves. Fault can be found anywhere and everywhere. Making the choice to overcome it will make all the difference.

Aloe Vera Ice Cubes…How Have I Never Thought of This?

Are you feeling the summer burn?

Down here in Florida we have officially entered the dog days of summer. It is hot…like fry an egg on the sidewalk hot. Despite this fact, however, we still find ourselves loading up the car, ordering some Publix subs, and hitting the local beach or pool.

Since we were little, people have drilled the value of sunscreen into our stubborn heads. Yet somehow, we forget to put it on, forget to reapply, or forget that baby oil is still not a valid alternative. We end up burnt.

For days following these burns we barely survive while doing the following things:

Taking ice cold showers

Walking around saying “Ouch” at every step

Peeling and itching like a mad man

Claiming that we’ll never go into the sun again (until next weekend)

And finally, slathering ourselves in aloe vera

Ahh, aloe vera. A delectable nectar bestowed upon us by the plant gods. A frequent user of the stuff since childhood, you can imagine my surprise when I realized I’d been missing out on a pretty incredible summer life hack all this time. Frozen aloe vera cubes! Continue reading “Aloe Vera Ice Cubes…How Have I Never Thought of This?”

Secret Life of a Book Sniffer

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In my opinion, there’s a whole lot of things that smell fantastic. Babies, lavender, and the entire season of fall come to mind as some top-notch selections. None of these, however, can beat my favorite scent…books.

Yes, that’s right…books. There is just something about paper and ink that intoxicates the old senses. It’s not just the books themselves, though. It’s the locations that are filled with them. Picture this for a moment – you open the door to your local Barnes & Noble and are immediately engulfed in the scent of a decadent cocktail made from freshly brewed coffee and Eau de paper. Delicious, right? Continue reading “Secret Life of a Book Sniffer”

Cheap Wine That Doesn’t Taste Like Sour Grapes

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I recently saw an article on Buzzfeed that discussed some different wine options for under $15. As an indulgent lover of all things vino, I was pretty ecstatic. To my surprise, however, the list left me feeling a little disappointed.

Don’t get me wrong…there were definitely some good options that I’ve been known to partake in from time to time (Who doesn’t love a good bottle of two buck chuck?) Overall, though, I felt like they left some major players out of the game.

So grab a class, and pop the cork – here are some of my favorite budget-friendly bottles of grape.

  1. Beringer

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Throughout my experience as a wino, I haven’t met a bottle of Beringer that I didn’t enjoy. Whether you’re interested in the classic labels or the Founders Estate varietals, the most you’re going to pay is around $10 a bottle. If you’re a fan of sweeter wines, I highly suggest trying their white merlot. Continue reading “Cheap Wine That Doesn’t Taste Like Sour Grapes”

Five of My Favorite Summer Reads

Five of My Favorite Books for Summer

Ahh, summertime…a time for beach days, lemonade, and family vacations. Want to know what I think the perfect accompaniment to any of these things is? A good book.

Like so many of my fellow book nerds, picking the next thing to read can become a major problem…#TheStruggleisReal! Lucky for you, however, I’ve gone through the roster and chosen some pretty, perfect options.

Check out five of my personal faves for those lazy dog days of summer.

1. Spring Fever, Mary Kay Andrews

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If one thing screams summer for me, it’s Mary Kay Andrews! Her books are always light, fun, and oh so irresistible. Spring Fever tells the story of Annajane Hudgens and her unconventional love life in Passcoe, North Carolina –  Home of the Quixie Cherry Soda Company. This story has love, laughter, and some small town secrets that will have you flipping pages at lightning speed!

2. One Plus One, Jojo Moyes

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Written by Jojo Moyes, author of Me Before You, this Little Miss Sunshine-esque story is the perfect pick for a day by the pool. One Plus One will tickle your funny bone and break your heart all at the same time (Ms. Moyes seems to be good at that!) A mother and her two kids find themselves in the debt of a stranger who offers them a ride to a math competition in Scotland. After a series of unexpected events, they all wonder if their lives will ever be the same again.

3. Where’d You Go, Bernadette? – Maria Semple

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Currently making it’s slow transition from book to film, Where’d You Go, Bernadette? is a hilarious delight of pessimistic and neurotic proportions. The title character, Bernadette Fox, is an opinionated woman, revolutionary architect and loving mother to her fifteen year-old daughter, Bee. She is also overwrought with agoraphobia. Things quickly become complicated when Bernadette disappears while planning the anxiety-inducing trip to Antarctica that she’s promised Bee. Intrigued yet?

4. Sharp Objects – Gillian Flynn

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From the author of Gone GirlSharp Objects spins a wicked web of dysfunction, mental illness, and family psychosis. What happens when a damaged reporter, Camille Preaker, is sent to her own hometown to help figure out why young girls are being found murdered and mutilated? This one’s not for the light of heart, but will keep you turning pages long into the night.

5. Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society -Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

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A personal favorite of mine, the adorable Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society will give you all the feels. When a struggling writer, Juliet Ashton, is searching for the subject of her next book, she finds inspiration in a letter from a man she’s never even met. This individual, and his quirky companions on the island of Guernsey, begin an intriguing correspondence with Juliet that will change her life forever. This was one of those books that made me wish I could crawl inside and stay for awhile!

Now that I’ve given you five of my top picks for the summer, I’d love to hear your suggestions! What are you all reading right now?

Prayers for Orlando

Prayers for Orlando

What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Last night’s shooting at a nightclub in Orlando is a complete tragedy for our state, and our nation. The only word that I think truly depicts the way I feel is – why? Just why.

I can’t comprehend how an individual, any individual, can find themselves with the choice to do right or wrong, and find themselves choosing so terribly wrong. How does a person have such little consideration for the severity of their actions? How does that same person determine that they have the right to exercise an act of such extreme terror against a group of undeserving, innocent individuals?

Because of one man, dozens and dozens of families will wake up today to the realization that their loved ones are gone. All we can do is hope that they find some sense of peace and comfort in the days to come. There is no justice to be found in a situation like this.

Something needs to change, but at the end of the day, no constitutional amendment will make a difference if we as people don’t change ourselves first. So I leave you with this plea.

As Ellen DeGeneres would say – Be kind to one another.

Focus on love and respect rather than hate and disgust. Race, ethnicity and sexual orientation should carry no weight in our perception of other people.

At this point, don’t you think it’s time we started to figure that out?

My thoughts are with each person that has been affected by this horrifying situation. Orlando is in my heart today.

 

The “Me Before You” Controversy

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So I’m sure by now, you’ve all been hearing about the amazingness that is Me Before You. What started as an incredible book, has become a highly anticipated movie that finally hit the box office this past weekend. Despite my love and adoration for the book, though, a disgusting barrage of germs and sickness has kept me homebound and unable to experience the film for myself quite yet. Take that as a PSA and keep in mind that this post may be slightly uninformed. But anyways…here we go.

I have a huge distaste for spoilers, so no worries; this post will not give anything away. Suffice it to say, however, the male lead in this book/film pairing is a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic who has a very negative point of view on his injury. This has been striking a lot nerves amongst wheelchair users and other disabled individuals. They’re concern over the book’s message is that it seems to say that this group of people can’t possibly live happy, fulfilling lives. That an injury, such as the one suffered by the man in the story, leaves you with nothing to look forward to.

Being that I can look at the situation with a touch of personal experience, I thought I’d offer up my own perspective.

Continue reading “The “Me Before You” Controversy”