Tag: Infertility

Letting Go of the Mother I Thought I’d Be

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything on here, but there’s been something on my mind a lot lately that I needed to get it out.

So here we go…

Both pre and post getting pregnant, I had a lot of big ideas about the type of mother I wanted to be. The type of mother that society expected me to be.

Breastfeeding – Duh.
Make my own baby food – 100% organic or bust.
Screen time – What’s that?
Yelling at my child – I would never!

Essentially, I was the perfect mom…and then my daughter was born.

After Haddie’s birth, I quickly realized that things don’t always go as planned. That babies are merely tiny humans with their own preferences and volition. This small little 7 lb. 2 oz. creature could break me with the slightest whimper.

As I felt my expectations bending and breaking, I began to feel a since of panic. I was losing the parenting battle and was on the fast track to becoming the worst bad-word imaginable: a bad mom.

Main stream media, fellow mothers, and the general public have a lot of opinions on what type of mother we all should be. The checklist at the top of this post is only a fragment of the pressures that are put on us. When we let the ball drop, even just once, we are letting down a legion of know-it-alls that have somehow become the experts in all things parenting.

The pressure to act perfect, and to be perfect, can seem suffocating and makes us feel like failures. If we could only learn to support one another and cut each other, and ourselves, some slack, maybe we’d actually have a shot at raising decent children that know how to function in their day to day lives.

Unfortunately, there are days when I feel like I’m screwing everything up.

Days when my child has watched more episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse than I care to admit.

Days when she decides that listening to me is useless and that she’d rather scream like a banshee and blow through stores like a small tornado.

While I tried desperately to boil veggies and puree them into baby food gold, my little darling decided that she much preferred the taste of the pre-packaged creations found in your local grocery store.

There’s no answer to any of this. I can’t tell you why certain things work and why they don’t, but at the end of the day, here’s what I’ve learned. It is what it is.

So what if I’ve decided to take a half hour break and let my energetic little girl watch a show so I can catch my breath.

So what if I lost my temper one time last week and raised my voice rather than maintaining the zen-like calm of a monk.

While I’m thrilled that I was able to breastfeed for around 16 months, I still stick to the mantra “Fed is Best.”

What works for me, may not work for you. Learning ourselves and learning our own children is the only way to become a successful parent.

On the days when I find myself sobbing and telling my husband that I feel like the worst mother in the world, he reminds me to look at our daughter.

My happy, playful, funny little girl.

She has no idea that I’ve “messed something up.” She is laughing and smiling all day long. She is learning at a speed that makes my head spin. She has the sweetest nature and adores having the chance to take care of the things and people around her.

I hear her use words like “Please” and “Thank you.” I feel the love exuding from her little body as she wraps her arms around me tight.

No matter how I think I’ve failed, when I look at Hadley, I know I’m doing something right.

I may not be the mother I thought I’d be, and I’m certainly not perfect, but I’m learning to let go of those naive expectations.

I’m an over-protective, work-in-progress, that wants to eliminate the judgment I feel for my own choices and the ones of other people.

Having a child that is loved and cared for is what matters. Whatever path we choose to get there as parents is what works.

So next time you’re feeling down on yourself, please just remember that I think you’re amazing. I don’t care if you co-sleep or use a crib, if you vaccinate or not, if you breast or bottle feed, or if you baby wear or push a stroller.

You are a mother and you are a rock star. End of story.

5 Ways I Tried to Improve My Chances of IVF Success

Improving Your Chances of IVF Success

At times (as in always,) I have a tendency to be a bit of a control freak. I’m not the type of person who can just sit back and let things happen, nor am I the type to just let other people “handle things.” I love to be involved. Scratch that, I HAVE to be involved.

Our IVF cycle was no different. Despite trusting our wonderful team of doctors, nurses, and embryologists to do what they do best, I felt like it was up to me to take things to the next level. We had put so much of ourselves into trying to get pregnant, I was determined to give us the best chance possible of a BFP.

While I am no doctor, and can certainly make no promises of positive pregnancy tests, I thought I’d share a few of the things I did prior to our first embryo transfer.

Gorged Myself on Avocado & Other “Good” Fats

I once read an article claiming that diets rich in monounsaturated fats often resulted in live birth rates over 3x higher than those without.

Monounsaturated fats…a fancy name for foods like the following:

Avocados
Nuts & Nut Butters
Olive Oil

Being that I have a rather intense fondness for avocado and guacamole, this one wasn’t too difficult. In the 1-2 months leading up to our embryo transfer, I aimed to eat at least one avocado a day. I also amped up my “fatty” diet with lots of olive oil based salad dressings, more nut butters than usual (I preferred peanut & almond), and I opted to snack on tons of nuts…walnuts are usually highly recommended.

Acupuncture

In my quest for “IVF Tools,” I kept coming across articles and forums that suggested the use of this acupuncture to increase your chances of successful implantation.

The idea behind acupuncture is that it not only helps the hopeful mommy-to-be relax, but it can also increase the blood flow to her reproductive organs.

I underwent treatments one to two times a week in the months leading up to our embryo transfer, including the night before and a few hours following.

Cayenne Pepper

There’s something you should know….I’m a wimp when it comes to spicy foods. I order my Thai food less than mild and am terrified of hidden jalapenos in my salsa. Before our transfer, however, I heard that the heat from cayenne pepper can actually help increase your system’s blood flow.

That was all I needed to hear. In the weeks before the transfer, I was sprinkling cayenne pepper on just about everything that touched my tongue.

Eggs – check
Pasta – check
Ice Cream – why not?

Ok, so maybe the whole ice cream thing is a little far-fetched, but the vast majority of our food included a delicate sampling of this spicy seasoning.

Warming Up the Old Uterus

On the quest for successful implantation, many of us IVF-ers have come across the concept of keeping your uterus happy and warm for incoming beans. They say that a warm uterus can help make things, how shall I put this – “stickier.”

You might be wondering, but how exactly does one “warm up” their uterus? I’m glad you asked. Here are a few of the things I did pre-transfer.

Kept My Feet Covered – ALWAYS
- In the weeks leading up to our transfer, my bare feet were not to be seen. Closed-toe shoes, slippers, and thick, fuzzy socks were my best friends. They say your feet have a direct connection to your uterus, so keeping the chill away is a must.
Heating Pads
- Lying around with a heating pad on your stomach is one of the best ways to warm up your uterus. Not only does it work perfectly, but it also feels cozy and relaxing.
Warm Food & Drinks
- Avoiding cold food and beverages is another great way to keep things toasty. I chowed down on tons of soups and drank caffeine-free tea all the time. I even avoided cold water and opted for room-temperature bottles instead.

Pineapple (The Core, Specifically)

Pineapple, in my opinion, is nature’s gift to women undergoing IVF. Containing an enzyme known as bromelain, this tropical fruit has all the makings to help you achieve the sticky uterus you’ve been hoping for.

Here’s the important thing to remember, however. Most of the bromelain is found in the core of the pineapple, so when you’re cutting up your fruit, don’t leave this chunk out. Here’s how I used my pineapple.

Cut up the pineapple into five slices, including the core.
Starting the evening of the embryo transfer, consume one slice each day until you’ve eaten the whole thing.

In following suit with the warm foods rule, I chose to either grill my slices or warm them up in a skillet before eating.

Taking Control of Your IVF Cycle

I was blessed with a BFP after only one cycle of IVF. Whether these little tips and tricks had anything to do with it, I suppose I’ll never know for sure.

There’s one thing I do know, however.

When it comes time to try for baby #2, I will resort directly back to my life of good fats, pineapple cores, and fuzzy socks.

Have any of you tried any “old wives’ tales” to increase your chances of success?

Infertility Awareness Week

For so many of us women, we start to dream about our fairy tale lives at a very young age. There will be Prince Charming, a beautiful wedding, and the arrival of a gorgeous, bouncing baby girl or boy to make our family whole. Unfortunately for a large majority of us, that sweet little baby will not come easy.

The National Institutes of Health has discovered that 1 in 6 couples will struggle with infertility. If you have never dealt with the uncertainty and heartbreak that comes with this disease, I will tell you this…There are simply no words to describe it. Whether you have dealt with miscarriage, stillbirth, or simply the inability to conceive, there is no way to explain to someone how you feel. In honor of Resolve.Org’s National Infertility Awareness Week, I offer this post as an ode to all of my fellow warriors in this journey.

You are all beautiful, courageous men and women. I stand beside you and rejoice in your strength. For those of you who have achieved your dreams of a little one after a long and strenuous journey, I have so much gratitude and joy. If you haven’t yet found your happily ever after, I offer you sweet dreams, lots of luck, and more baby dust that you can imagine.

Our little girl is truly a miracle that I never thought possible. All of the cards were stacked up against us, but yet here you are. Our lives are so much brighter and more fulfilled because of you, little Hadley. I thank God for you every day.